My God Story: Part 6.11 - Forgive, Forgo, Forget

I believe this will be the last entry of Part 6 of my God story. 

I started my God story with a detailed description of how I was before my God story began. I retold the events that took place, almost one after the other, as God (finally) 'got' my attention and started working a most wonderful work in me. 

It is as what the Bible says: He has begun a good work in me and will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ (Phil 1:6). 

Yet my God story would not be complete if I were to leave out an aspect that I struggled tremendously with before, when and, in fact, even after I have become rooted in my identity in Christ - Hurt and offense. 

I did an Enneagram test on myself early last year and found out that I am a Type 1 Wing 2 personality. (For those of you who have no idea what an Enneagram is, it's basically a more Christian-natured personality test. 😅)

A type 1's typical character is defined as wanting to be good and wanting to improve things. Quoting from 'The Enneagram Institute', Type 1 is always striving to improve things, but afraid of making a mistake. And Type 1's key motivations are "Want to be right, to strive higher and improve everything, to be consistent with their ideals, to justify themselves, to be beyond criticism so as not to be condemned by anyone". 

Pair this desire to be beyond criticism with my struggle with in-identity and that's almost a fatal combo! 😆

So, it is no surprise that I have often struggled with 2 things: Wanting people to like me/ approve of my actions/ agree with my opinions; and experiencing hurt and offense when people express otherwise. 

Can you imagine the frequency and magnitude of hurt and offense that I have had to struggle with before I received the revelation of who I am in Christ? 

Yet, even after I've been liberated from this double self-inflicted pit of misery, I have not been completely exempted from offense and hurt. 

From time to time, I still feel the 'sting' of the actions and words of others. And there still had been nights where I went to sleep, praying for the Holy Spirit to help me forgive, forgo and forget. 

1) Forgive - Simply because that is the very first step to break free from the trap of offense. For me, if I can't forgive, then there is no way I can do the next 2 (forgo and forget) and let it go. 

2) Forgo - You may wonder what it is that I need to forgo. Well, let me tell you the answer: Forgo the need to be right and good. 😂 I think everyone feels the need to prove oneself right but this is especially so with the Enneagram type 1. Remember, Enneagram 1 needs to be correct and good? And to 'right' all the wrongs too. 

For some, forgo may mean forgoing the need to vindicate oneself: to pay it back. 

3) Forget - To not only forget what was being done or said, but also to forget the feeling of hurt. I recently read this statement by Ps Ashok on the story of Joseph and it has shed tremendous light in some of my situations. 

Joseph named the firstborn Manasseh, saying, “God has made me forget all my hardship and all my father’s household.” (Genesis 41:51). God is known as a God who makes us forget all our affliction and the past. The name "Manasseh" means, "God has made me forget".

Manasseh! What a wonderful thing - God has made me forget. 

I know, from personal experiences, that in certain occasions, it truly feels hard to forgive, forgo and forget. But I want to testify and encourage you that it is possible (and, in fact, easy) to do so!

How? By focusing on Christ. 

There are 2 sides to this focusing on Christ. 

Firstly, when I don't focus on Jesus, where do you think I'm focusing on? On myself, of course. 

When I'm self-centered, I look at, focus on and magnify myself. When I magnify my 'self', the hurt, the pain and the offense all become bigger than they really are. 

I find myself replaying the words, the tone, the expression, the act, the scene in my mind, which then makes me feel harder to let go. And, somehow, almost justifiable for me to still feel the hurt. 

Because the very important person, I, am the one who was hurt. 😅

Secondly, as with all things in life, overcoming, breakthrough, deliverance and victory can only come from Christ, and never from self (self will, self determination, self strength, self discipline, self sufficiency or whatever 'self' you may want to call it). 

There was a time when all my focus was on myself. Mind you this includes both the negative focus on self (like what was done to me and how bad it made me feel) as well as the positive focus on self (like what I should be doing: forgiving.)

When I pour all my attention and focus on my 'self', I can pray, meditate, declare, worship all I want and still find it that much harder to forgive and let go. I did all that I knew to do. But I hadn't realized that I was trying to forgive on my own effort. 

And you don't need me to tell you the result of my effort, no matter how hard I tried. 

So, beloved in Christ, turn away from self. 

Both from self-centeredness and self-ability. 

And go to Jesus. 

Source: Unsplash

You know the verse in the Lord's prayer "And forgive us our debts, As we forgive our debtors."

The Greek word translated as 'as' is actually 2 words: kai hōs.

Kai meaning: and, also, even, indeed, but
Hōs meaning: as, like, even as

As I was pondering on this verse the other day, 2 thoughts came to me:

1) Has God forgiven me of my debts? 

The answer is a big, obvious YES. There is no debate or argument over this. 

2) How did (and can) God forgive me of debts? 

Because of what Jesus has done. 

Because Jesus came to pay for my sin. 
When I accepted and received this gift of mercy and grace, I was forgiven. 

It is already done. It is already mine.

Now look back at the verse again when we pray to our Abba Father to "forgive us our debts 'kai hōs' we forgive our debtors."

Do you now see it, my dear brothers and sisters? 

The basis by which He forgives me and by which I forgive (and can forgive) others are the same: by what Christ has done for me.

It is not by my own self effort. Attempting to forgive someone else by sheer self-will is futile. 

Because He has forgiven me, kai hōs I am able to forgive my debtors.

It is not just a doctrine Christians preach. It is not just a biblical truth written as words in our Bible. It is not wishful thinking. It is a reality. 

So, truly, my beloved in Christ, if you struggle with hurt and offense, know and remember God's forgiveness. Turn away from self. Turn to Jesus. 

God forgives me my debts kai hōs I forgive my debtors. 

Only by doing so, was I able to forgive, forgo and forget. And you shall be able to forgive, forgo and forget too!