Unity, Uniformity, Equality
Some time last year, the Lord put this phrase "unity, not uniformity" on my heart.
I was recently reminded of this truth.
My second born started primary school last week.
And I found myself reflecting on the fact that there are many uncommon things that we have experienced with our first born. Things that most parents may not ever experience with their child.
On another hand, there are many other things (common things) that we have not experienced with our first born. One of it being attending a government school institution.
And so, last week, I found myself experiencing, for the first time, the daily life of a 'government school-going kid's mum' when our second born started primary school. The preparation, the sending in the morning, the fetching in the afternoon... The daily routine of school days have begun.
Going through the mundane daily life, I was reminded again, how my two children are unique and different.
Fearfully and wonderfully made and different. These two descriptions do not contradict each other.
I recall a conversation I had with a friend last year.
I was at a bakery with my friend. As usual, I bought pastry for my two kids. There were two patterns to choose from: a teddy or a mouse pic on the pastry. My friend asked if I need to buy the exact same for the two, to be fair. Same design, same quantity.
Well, I did. Because I know that Daniel and Esther both would love the teddy pattern, it was so cute!
But back to the question of getting them the exact same thing, in the name of being fair...
Now, I used to buy two sets of the exact same toy or snack for the kids. If Daniel has a toy, Esther would have one too (just maybe in different color). If Esther has a jelly, Daniel would have one too. Because our parents taught us that we need to love our children fair and square. In Chinese, we call it 不可偏心.
But over time, the Holy Spirit showed me that my children are each unique.
What Esther enjoys may not be Daniel's cup of tea. Vice versa.
Likewise, Daniel's needs are different from Esther's needs. Vice versa.
So, I stopped. I no longer give and do unto them equally, as long as the situation calls for it.
I would give to Daniel what he needs and to Esther what she needs.
Similarly, I would give Daniel what he would enjoy and to Esther what she would enjoy.
Which makes sense, because they each have their own needs and wants.
To illustrate my point, McD choc dip sundae looks more yummy with that chocolate coating and is more expensive. (Well, more expensive = better, no?😅)
But Esther actually prefers the vanilla sundae cone while Daniel enjoys the choco dip sundae. So instead of getting two vanilla or two choco dip, isn't it better to give to each what they like?
But I have had to teach the children not to see what is in another's hands.
A lot of time, they were happy with what they get/ have until they look at the other one's gift. Then they'd say to me: I want that too, mummy. 🙄
(Typical of children, right?)
I often had to remind them: 'Do you like your gift?'.
If their answer is yes, then the next question would be 'Are you happy with your gift?'.
If their answer is, again, yes, then I asked them 'Do you need to have the other gift to be happy?'.
The answer is clearly no.
Often times, we are content with what's in our hands. We are thankful. We are happy. Until we saw what is in someone else's hands.
And then, comparison sets in.
And then, discontentment sets in.
We have been taught: equality above all.
But really, we are all unique.
I am created by God to be me. You are created by God to be you. There is no equality nor uniformity in that.
God did not create two Irenes, nor two Daniels, nor two Esthers. Neither did he create two yous.
So I've learned (and am still learning) to do my best to bring out the true (and therefore, the best) in my children. At the same time, teaching them (and learning myself) to appreciate and treasure one another.
In fact, come to think of it, when Daniel and Esther receive different toy, that only means that there are two different toys which they can rotate and share and play with, right?
Isn't it better to be united as siblings who love each other in spite of their differences?
In fact, isn't it better that they each have different strengths and talents so that they can help and build each other up?
Sounds like the Psalm?
So, well, for my children - Unity over uniformity or equality.
Well, my beloved in Christ, what is your sundae cone choice? Vanilla? Choc Dip?
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| Source: Internet |
I'm very sure that we will all have different answers.
But the truth remains: We may all have our preferences, yet that shouldn't and doesn't hinder our unity.
