Motherhood - Part 3 (Say No to Sorrow)

So, here's what happened on Mother's Day. 

The children were to have a performance on stage in church. They had practised the songs while in church and were very excited over it, at times singing the songs at home as well. 

But knowing Daniel, I was prepared for if he didn't want to go up on stage. He isn't fond of performing in front of a crowd. For the past few years, whenever there was a performance, he would refuse to participate, no matter how prepared he is or how well he could sing. 

During his kindergarten year end concert, he had refused to go up the stage. But instead he performed the entire song, complete with dance move, in front of his dad and I off-stage. 

So, when Mother's day came and Daniel wasn't ready to go on stage, I was alright with it. He chose to sit with us in the hall. 

All was well. 

He enjoyed praise and worship. He enjoyed the service, holding our hands. He enjoyed the children's performance, watching the other children happily. 

Source: Skyline SIB FB

Until he saw us spotting his sister on stage (and she spotted us back.) 

We cheered our daughter on, waving at her and she waving back at us. 

And then, Daniel started crying. 

Were you surprised to hear that? 

Well, I was caught by surprise but I wasn't really surprised. 

Because I could imagine the thoughts that ran through his mind. And could understand why he would feel sad. 

The thing is this - he had been so happy to sit with us. It was only when he saw us cheering his sister on that he, maybe, wished that he had gone on stage as well. At the time right before the performance, he was not ready. He made his decision and we accepted it. 

For me, he can try again next time. Whether he goes up or not, I love him. And I'm still his happy mummy.

For Daniel, however, perhaps he had perceived (and was saddened) that because he didn't overcome his anxiety and perform on stage, he had 'missed out' on his parents' love and cheer. 

But no matter how sad he was and how hard he cried, or how much he regretted not going up the stage, and perhaps how much he now wanted to go up, it was mid-way through the Mother's Day performance and there was no way he could have been allowed to go on-stage. 

What he can do, instead, is to look to the future. To coming events, to future opportunities for performance. And try again. 

I know it is easier said than done. 

But through this episode, I was reminded of something a friend once shared with me - there (rarely) is such a thing as 'the best decision', but in everything, after we have made a decision, we can do our best. 

On Mother's Day, after weighing his choices and his emotions and his ability, Daniel chose not to proceed. He did his best. (It was a relatively new environment and a huge crowd, after all.) And he has given his best, to the ability that he was capable of at the time. 

We are proud of him. And you know what, he should be proud of himself. 

But unfortunately, all too often, after doing and giving our best, we turn and look to the left or to the right, and get ourselves entangled with unnecessary emotions, like remorse, regret, comparison, sorrow and the likes. 

To borrow the words from the Ecclesiastes, "Vanity of vanities, all is vanity."

I pray that my children will learn to say 'NO' to regret and sorrow, the unhealthy kind anyway. 

For Daniel, maybe in the eyes of others, he had missed out on the opportunity to shine on stage. To receive applaud and cheers from his parents and from the audience. He has 'missed out', compared to other children. 

But the truth was that he received many other things instead. He got to sit with us that Sunday. He got to hold our hands. He got a hug from me immediately when he cried. Imagine if he were on stage and suddenly felt overwhelmed and started crying. How would that be like? 

Above all, he learned that no matter his performance, his parents love him. 

I would say those are precious things too. 

In a world filled with hopelessness and sadness and comparisons, may my children only experience the kind of sorrow described by apostle Paul to the Corinthians. 

Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death (2 Cor 7:9-10). 

I can understand Daniel's sadness on Mother's Day. I would love for him to overcome and to step out in courage (obviously). But I have no regret nor sorrow for that day. 

And if ever my children are to experience sorrow again in future, I pray that it will be a godly sorrow that produces repentance (reevaluating their decisions and actions) leading to salvation (a change in their heart, in their attitude and in their deeds).

O Lord, may it be so...