My God Story: Part 5.3 - The Boy With Mute Spirit

The other account of Jesus that captivated my heart was from Mark 9. 

Mark 9:14-29 records the account of a father who brought his son who had been tormented by a mute spirit since childhood to the disciples (who couldn't cast the demon out) and then to Jesus. 

(I'm sure you can now see the pattern of the gospel stories that captivated me in that season in life - they are both stories of suffering parents with their suffering child.😅)

Again, I can relate to the father's words in Mark 9:24 - 'Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!'

Jesus had said to him, If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes. 

And every time I prayed for Daniel's healing, I would imagine Jesus saying to me - 'If you would only believe, Irene, all things are possible.' I would then feel the guilt of not having enough faith for my child's healing. 

I would condemn myself - you have the faith to believe and testify that Daniel has been doing great, as compared to other PWS children, but you do not have the faith to believe that God will completely heal Daniel. And that is why Daniel is still not healed. 

I wrote about the dream I had during my second trimester in my pregnancy story. In my dream, I saw a boy (my son) who was almost two years old walking towards me. And so, when his pediatrician gave us his medical opinion, fearing that Daniel may never be able to walk or run, I wasn't shaken. Because God had showed me that my son will walk before he turned two. 

And true enough, Daniel started walking when he was about one and a half year old. 

Yes, he had to go through physiotherapy. And yes, quite a number of other PWS children were unable to walk until much later. But I had a dream (and a promise) from God. So I believed it whole heartedly. And it came to pass. 

There are also many other things that I have testified, time and again, of God's goodness and grace in Daniel's life. 

For instance, that God has always kept Daniel in good health when many PWS children were prone to falling sick in their infant and toddler stage. 

Or the fact that Daniel has started speaking when he turned one (although clarity and fluency was a struggle even until now 😂) when all the other children were non-verbal until they were much older. 

Or that Daniel has such a love for God. 

But back then, silently, I have struggled with an unspeakable guilt that maybe Daniel still hasn't been healed from PWS because I had not believed wholly for Daniel's healing. Because my faith was not strong enough. 

And I would literally pray this out loud on repeat in that season in life - Lord, help my unbelief! 

Source: Internet

I had also shortlisted many other possible causes. 

1. Maybe it was because my prayer life was weak. You know, not praying with enough faith and not praying enough, a double jeopardy! 

2. Maybe I didn't do enough. Read the Bible enough. Fast enough. Serve enough. 

3. Maybe I was not 'in the Spirit' enough. That's why I do not have power and authority to command healing like what the Bible teaches us to do. 

4. And of course, maybe I still need to learn to be more like Christ - more patient, more loving etc. 

5  And then there was the revelation that I should have been praying for a creative miracle and not healing. Because what Daniel has is not a sickness but a genetic condition. (Much like the case of a missing organ instead of an organ that has deteriorated.) So, again, the guilt of 'having prayed wrongly' all these years. 

The weight of all these "maybes" suffocated me. 

And as days passed, I got better and better at PWS management. 

Instead of standing in faith, declaring and appropriating Daniel's complete miracle/ healing, each day's prayer would be along the lines of "Have mercy that he will not develop hyperphagia. Give him strength and motor skills. Grant him wisdom and understanding to learn."

Instead of living in a position of victory in Christ, each day I would be just getting by, managing and maneuvering the challenges of PWS as it comes. 

Eventually, I got so fed up with the state I was in (we were in) that I was almost in depression. Of course there were many other factors playing a role at that time (that's another God story). But I was really at the end of the rope. 

And I said to myself, surely this is not what Jesus meant when He said 'that the works of God should be revealed in him' in John 9:3. 

How can challenges management, behavior modification and (almost) accepting defeat be the works of God??? 

But praise the Lord! At my lowest, I came to the end of myself and God met me where I was. (That was a defining turning point in my Christian walk. In my life.)

In the story of the boy suffering with a mute spirit, John 9 does not tell us more about the father after his desperate cry for help with his unbelief. But we can see that Jesus did answer his prayer. 

How do I know? Because Jesus cast out the unclean spirit and the boy was set free. So, I am confident that Jesus did help the father with his unbelief. 

And like that father, God has also helped my unbelief. 

Beloved in Christ, are you weighed down by all the heaviness in life? Are you perhaps living life one day at a time, merely managing the circumstances that you are in? 

Please know that "management" is not what God wants for His children. Be it sin management, challenges management, addiction management, hardship management, life management...That is not our lot in life. 

That is not Daniel's lot in life. Therefore, even as I acknowledge the challenges that may present itself on a day-to-day basis, I know that God does not want to just bless Daniel with a better life while striving with PWS daily. 

God wants Daniel whole and complete. That is His will for my son. 

God wants us to live in the fullness of the Spirit in Christ. That is His will for you and me.