The End of Self, The Start of Christ
As I mentioned in my previous post, God has been speaking to me from 2 verses from the book of John in the past weeks (you can read it here), which can summarised in 2 questions -
To Whom am I going?
In Whom am I abiding in?
I felt the Holy Spirit trying to reteach, remind and reinforce this truth in me - to go to Christ, to abide in Christ and to simply rest in Him, AT ALL TIME.
A beloved saint in Christ, Ps Ashok RK, wrote this short admonition titled 'At the end of self stands Christ' just few days ago. And I had been reflecting and allowing the Holy Spirit to continually minister to me with each word in this article/ poem.
I tried to live the Christian life.... and failed.I tried to overcome sin.... and failed.
I tried to bear fruit.... and failed.
I tried to serve God.... and failed.
I tried to demonstrate the power of God.... and failed.
I tried and tried and tried some more.... and failed
Till I came to the end of myself
Where I found Christ waiting.
I received His life and began to live
No longer working but receiving
No longer trying but trusting
No longer struggling but resting
I won't be exaggerating if I were to say that this has been my life story.
I tried... in vain and failed. 😂
Until truly it is the end of my 'self' and tis no longer I who live but Christ lives in me.
The Holy Spirit brought to remembrance 2 incidents in my life where I came to the end of self and the start of Christ, and how that resulted in such shâlôwm (which is translated as either prosperity or peace in the Bible and means completeness, soundness, welfare and peace).
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I would like to share my testimonies to manifest not only the goodness of Christ in my life but also the wonders of abiding and resting in Him.
1) In the area of forgiveness
In the past months, I have had few incidents where I had felt hurt by the actions and words of others. I ran to God and poured out my heart (and of course, my tears and my grievance 😅) to Him and I remember telling God very honestly, "I am so sad and so hurt now, Lord. On my own and by my own will, I cannot forgive. But I rest in You, Lord. I let it go. I let it to You."
And so, I let it go.
But we need to be mindful of where we 'let it go' to. You know, not just like the famous Frozen song which sings "let it go, let it go'. We need to 'let it go' to the Lord. It has to go to the Lord!
And as I turned my eyes to Jesus, truly the hurt, the offence, the misunderstanding all became so insignificant. Because I was at a place where it is the end of my 'self'. A place in Christ. (And that IS where we should all be.)
And it was then so easy to forgive.
But that's not the end of my testimony.
I've found it, time and again, when I refused to let hurt and offence rob me of my position in Christ, when I let go of my need to 'clear things up' and make right the wrong that was done to me, God shows and proves Himself to be my Comforter and my Vindicator.
The other parties, who had hurt me with their words or actions, would somehow mysteriously come back and reconcile with me after a while. Always!
This is what I would like to call 'no longer working but receiving'. I didn't have to get upset, argue, prove myself or do anything and yet I receive reconciliation.
2) In the area of provision
In these past 2 months, my family has quite a few out of normal routine (but periodic) extra big sum household expenses.
And because of many other reasons, we also had a lot of ad hoc expenses too - Christmas and Chinese New Year 😂, beginning of school year plus we welcomed our newborn baby niece in Dec 2021 too.
So, yes, one may call it a slight financial strain. 😅
As it happened, our helper's kampong in Philippines was quite literally ruined due to the recent typhoon in Dec. And then, there was the flood situation in Shah Alam as well.
I gave love gifts towards these 2 unfortunate incidents. And I would be lying if I were to say that the thought of my bank account balance didn't come to mind. It did briefly cross my mind, whether we will see a negative in the account balance at the end of Jan and may need to resort to our savings.
But I didn't let it rob me. Of my joy, my peace and what I had wanted to do.
I was not aware that a pleasant surprise was awaiting me!
On the last day of Dec, I received a bonus from my company. Out of the blue. And somehow, there was no public announcement about it. I didn't even know that I've got a bonus until I checked the bank account a week after.
What's more, it's more than enough to cover for everything, even after I tithe. It took me a while to recognise that whatever amount I needed to and wanted to give out is all covered already. You can't tell me that it is not God!
The funny thing is that I didn't even pray for provision. Or worry or toil. God just provided.
Somehow, I was at rest, knowing that we will have enough.
Again, this is what I would like to call:
No longer working but receiving
No longer trying but trusting
No longer struggling but resting.
I didn't have to get all anxious or try to find ways to cut down expenses or stop what I had wanted to do to help those in need.
And yet, this promise of God came through for me: He is able to make all grace abound towards you so that you always having all sufficiency in all things may have an abundance unto every good work.
Beloved in Christ, let us come to the end of our self. Let us go to and rest in Christ. Let it be said of us, tis no longer I that live, Christ lives in me.
