My Kuching God Story: Part 4 - A Better Me
One of the best things I've heard and learned in the 2nd semester of my Greenhouse discipleship course (right after I had my breakthrough in my relationship with my mum) was this:
- To the extent that you love yourself, you will be able to love your children.
- A healed you is a better mum or better dad.
(OK, sorry, that was 2 things, not 1...😅)
If you have followed my Kuching God stories where I retold my journey of how the Holy Spirit healed me of my brokenness (and bitterness towards my mum), made new my wounded heart and set me free from the self-captivity that I was wallowing in, you will know the Lord has truly done a massive work in me. It was a huge digging, cleaning and reconstructing project.
I heard the above 2 lines in Ps Mervin Jayaseela's Personal Freedom class on 17 May 22, just 2 weeks after I had released and shed off all my offences I've taken up with my mum.
It was something he mentioned during Q&A session. I think someone asked if it is possible (or if it is right) to love our children more than we love ourselves. OK, I may be wrong. But that's not important. The point here is that it was as if the Holy Spirit had meant it for me (given my very recent breakthrough).
I heard it broadcasted into my spirit man, loud and clear, and amplified. 😂
I remember sitting on my chair long after the class had finished, pondering on what I'd just heard.
I had always wanted to be a mother. Partly because I love children, but also because I had this of sense that 'being a mother is my highest calling', even before my dating days. (I know it sounds odd and funny but please don't laugh at me. 😂)
As I grew older, I had this mystified picture of myself - a wife and mother, homemaking, homeschooling, home-loving. Dedicating my whole heart and effort to my home, doing a great job at it AND so filled with joy by it.
That bubble busted when I had my first child.
As I journeyed through the first year of my son's life, I found myself struggling immensely under the heaviness of this word: 'motherhood'.
I hadn't pictured or anticipated motherhood being so tough. At the time, I attributed it all to my son's special needs condition. And so, deep down, I thought and convinced myself - It is only difficult because Daniel has extra needs. Otherwise, the (mystified) vision of me would have come true - Irene, a wonderful loving successful joyful wife and mother. 😅
I continued living in this lie until my daughter (who is perfectly normal, by medical term) came 3 years later.
And I found myself struggling yet again. (You can read about that God story here.)
This time, (again) it was external circumstances that had caused it all. You know, life's hard with 2 young kids, 1 of them having special needs, plus we had just moved to a new place, I had no friends and I was adjusting to this whole new working from home routine...(OK, the list was long because everything was the culprit 😂).
Strangely enough, the root almost always never lie in the key person - Irene. 🙈
I lived, thus, under disillusion and denial, for a time, all while struggling with a deep sense of hopelessness, joylessness and purposelessness.
Yet unable to see a way to get out of it (because, well, obviously my circumstances were not likely to change anytime soon).
And unable to see through the deception of the enemy to identify the root cause of it all - me, myself and I.
It was only when the Holy Spirit brought a powerful revelation to me that I was (finally) able to see where the root lies.
Want to know what revelation that was? It was on the 2 identities that had so greatly transformed me ever since - firstly, who I am in Christ and secondly, who God is to me.
After receiving and appropriating these revelations, although my external circumstances had not changed (at least there wasn't any drastic change), my outlook on life completely changed.
And you know the famous saying 'Happy wife, happy life'? Indeed, it is true to a certain sense - happy wife = happy life. Likewise, happy mummy = happy life.
My relationship with my better half and with my children definitely improved much.
But alas, in spite of that, there is still much friction between me and my children. Motherhood still does not come easy. (I hope other mothers would resonate with me. 😂)
As I sat in my chair after the class ended that day, reflecting on the truth that a healthy and whole person (in all aspects - spirit, soul, body) is a healthy and whole parent, I pondered on this word - 'mother'.
And I cannot think of this word without thinking of 3 people, the one who is my mother and the ones who made me a mother - my mum, my son and my daughter.
At the time, the Holy Spirit showed me that what God has done for me, in me and with me is only half of His plan. It is only 50% completion. The other half of the plan was in my mum experiencing Christ herself.
And often that is how God is and how He works right? We are blessed such that others, through us, can be blessed too. So when God healed me and gave me deliverance and breakthrough, I know, without a doubt, that my victory is not the end of this story.
And so, I held on to this promise of victory for my mum.
Fast forward 3 months (as we're now in the month of September), as I am recalling and penning down my God story now, I find the Holy Spirit showing me the other side of the coin - breakthrough for me myself as a mother, which comes from me being healed and being whole.
Often, in Christianity, we focus so much on breaking generational curses. Generational curses that may be a result of past generational sin or verbal curses/ ungodly words that were pronounced or generational demonic influences.
Yes, generational curses are real. Yes, they need to be dealt with, they need to be broken and nullified by the power of the redemptive work of Jesus.
Yet, there is something else equally important that we sometimes overlook - generational hurt or baggage (OK, I coined this term up randomly simply because I didn't know what to call it.)
Now what do I mean by generational hurt or generational baggage?
It's un-dealt with hurt and emotional baggages that seem to pass down from generation to generation. A simplest example is someone who grew up in an angry home environment, gets wounded in the process and carries that hurt (and anger) into his/ her own parenthood. In turn, his/ her children grow up in an angry home environment as well.
Sounds familiar?
I've known of people who had resolutely make a decision to never become like his/ her father or mother. Yet, somehow, the exact opposite still happened, despite the person's strong resolution and best effort (I am one of them 😅).
Do you, perhaps, know of anyone like this as well?
Generational issue runs deeper than just the (more) obvious manifestation of curses or physical sicknesses or bondages.
We carry the hurt (especially the emotional ones) from our childhood into our adulthood, allowing it to affect us. The only difference is in whether we are aware of it or oblivious about it or in denial of it.
And the Holy Spirit showed me the generational ripple effect from my mum to me and then from me on to my children.
Right after we got married, my husband and I were taught how to break all known and unknown generational curses over both our lives. And we did - we prayed and broke all generational curses from both family lines. And by the redemptive work of Christ, we have been set free and are still free from all generational curses. No doubt about that.
But I had a residual pain deep down that I had not realised (the hurt of not being acknowledged), and was, therefore, unable to receive healing from.
That residual pain led to darkness in 1 area of my life and had become an open door for spiritual oppression.
This spiritual oppression (which is really a demonic oppression) manifested in many areas of my life. It manifested in my relationships, especially in my relationship with my children. And needless to say, it affected my journey as a mother.
But the Lord told me that I am not my mum, I am not my dad. I do not have to repeat the cycle. And I do not have to do it on my own might. There is a better way (the perfect way) in Christ.
And as the Lord brought healing to me, I begin to see changes in the way I relate to my mum and to my children. Because as my pastor said, to the extent that I am able to love myself, I am able to love my children.
Now, as I am writing this, I felt the Holy Spirit telling me:
The ripple effect from my inner healing and wholeness in this area, will manifest in my generational relationships - between me and my mum AND between me and my children.
Because a healed and whole me is a better daughter.
Because a healed and whole me is a better mother.
In short, when we are healed and we are whole, it shows in our relationships.
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| Source: Internet |
Beloved in Christ, I end with this train of thought today, as the Holy Spirit prompts me.
A healed and whole me is the real me.
And WHO is this 'real me'?
It is who I am in Christ.
It is who I am predestined and called and justified and glorified to be (Rom 8:29).
It is who I have been formed, covered, fearfully and wonderfully made and skilfully wrought to be (Psa 139:13-15).
It is how I am created - in the image of God, according to His likeness (Gen 1:26).
It is who I am created by - it is He who made us (Psa 110:3).
It is whose I am - I am Christ's (1 Cor 3:23).
Beloved, I know we can't find the word 'inner healing' or 'wholeness' in the Bible. But it is very much biblical. See what Jesus said of Himself in Luke 4:18 -
Because He has anointed Me
To preach the gospel to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives
And recovery of sight to the blind,
To set at liberty those who are oppressed
He has come to heal your broken heart, to proclaim liberty to your captivity, to bring recovery of sight to your blinded-ness. He has come to set you at liberty from your oppression.
If you feel that you need deliverance and breakthrough in this area and you desire to be healed, simply turn to our Lord and seek Him for your victory.
A healed and whole you is the real you.
A healed and whole you will be a better husband/ wife/ father/ mother/ son/ daughter/ brother/ sister/ employer/ employee, whatever role it is you are in.
