Motherhood - Part 4 (Crucifying that Ideal)

Now I wrote about the children's Mother's Day performance story previously. If you've read it, you would have known that while my daughter performed with the rest of the Sunday school children for Mother's Day, my son was nervous and chose to join us at the seats. At the time, he was saddened that he didn't go up to perform. To which we have encouraged him to try again for Father's Day, which is today. 

I also wrote about dying to my 'ideal' here. The Lord gently showed me how I had made an idol out of my ideal and gave me a renewed revelation on denying my 'self'. 

Now why do I mention these 2 posts here, you wonder. 

It's because today, on Father's Day, I was tempted to give in to my ideal (again). 

Few Sundays ago, the children started their practice for Father's Day. 

This time, we were more deliberate with our effort in encouraging Daniel to go on-stage. Even motivating (more like bribing 😂) him with a reward to go on-stage. (In fact, just yesterday morning, I told him that I will reward him as long as he gathers his courage to stand on-stage, even if he doesn't sing or dance to the acts.)

We had also planned to ask the teachers to put Daniel together with the sister, perhaps at the side or back of the stage. But unfortunately, that was not to be because Esther was selected to sing a solo part for the performance. She will stand together with the other soloists. 

On top of that, Daniel had also fallen sick on Monday. He's caught fever, flu and cough. (But was recovering well.)

Yet, all that did not hinder me from hoping and preparing for Daniel to be on-stage. I talked to him about Mother's Day, reminding him how he was so sad he wished he had gone up the stage. I reminded him of the reward that he will get. 😅 I made sure that he eat and drink all the food good for recovery from flu and cough. We prayed together for the Holy Spirit to give Him the boldness to stand on-stage. 

In my mind, I painted a picture of the ideal Father's Day. 

I was hope-full, anticipating the first time that Daniel would perform in front of a crowd. On a Father's Day no less. Oh, that would be just awesome! 

I pictured a picture-perfect Father's Day. 

Alas, last night, Daniel suddenly came down with high fever and a bout of bad cough again (We have no idea why... he was already recovering well from it.) 

Now, at the time of writing this, I stayed home with my boy while my husband went to church with my girl. 

As you can tell, Daniel's first debut stage presence did not happen. 😂

So much for anticipation and hopefulness. 

I would be lying if I were to say that I wasn't disappointed one bit with how things turned out. Like I said, I had a picture of and hope for the 'ideal' Father's Day. 

Yet even I felt that emotion of 'disappointment' trying to stir within me, I had to bring that thought into captivity. I recognised that, yet again, the perfectionist in me had tried to idolise an ideal. 

And so, I not only had to deny my 'need for ideal', I need to crucify that ideal too. 

So, here I am reliving the lesson I learned just a month ago. 

Yes, Daniel did not go on-stage. Yes, Father's Day turned out in a completely unexpected way. Yes, what I had anticipated and prepared for did not come to fruition. 

But all is well. 

Yes, praise be to God, all is well. 

My husband had a good Father's Day celebration. My boy is slowly recovering. My girl had a great time during her performance. I am thankful for my Abba Father's loving kindness. 

Happy Father's Day to, my husband, my children's father. 

Happy Father's Day to my dad. 

Happy Father's Day to all the fathers in the world. 

And if I may add, happy Father's Day to the best Dad on the earth and in heavens above! Who is a Father to the fatherless, defender of widows— this is God, whose dwelling is holy, Who places the lonely in families; Who sets the prisoners free and gives them joy.

He is our Abba Father.