Apple apple

My son turned 10 last month. 

And with that, all the birthdays in our family have been celebrated. 

Now, for the past few years, we always have small birthday party for each of the children at their respective school. 

This year, with Esther starting primary school, she won't be able to have a birthday party, like how she used to have birthday parties at her kindergarten. So at the beginning of the year, I decided that this year Esther will celebrate her birthday only with us. On the other hand, Daniel's school birthday party will proceed as usual. 

So, May came and passed. Esther had her birthday celebration with her family. She was very happy with her birthday, her birthday dress, her birthday cake and her birthday presents. All selected by the birthday girl herself. 

Side story - Yes, she made request for what she would like her birthday present would be. In our household, we don't have much surprise. 😂 I tend to ask the children what they would like for their present - be it birthday or Christmas or reward - and if it's something unreasonable/ not good/ beyond budget, then I'll explain the reasons and teach them to accept no as my answer. I am a firm believer of learning these 2 skills from early age - 

1. Expressing yourself and communicating well. It is good to be honest and to be able to tell others what you want (or don't want) and how you feel. 

2. Taking no as an answer. Not everything has to go our way for us to be happy. 

Then, July came and passed. Daniel had his birthday celebration in school with his friends and another one at home with family. 

Herein comes the problem.

When Daniel brought home presents (lots of them!) from school from his friends, Esther started complaining, "Ko ko got so many presents! How come ko ko got to have birthday party at school? How come I didn't have party? Not fair."

To which her father secretly and promptly asked me "We could have organised a party for Esther as well. Can do it at McD and invite her friends."

Her dad, my husband, wants to be fair. 

As people would say apple to apple. A fair comparison, a fair trade. If they're not the same, then at least they should be equal. 

Source: Internet

But I have, for a long time, stopped believing in equality. Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that some should be more privileged than some or anything of that sort. I'm only saying that 'equality' (and the need for it) is, for me, overrated and abused. 

Earlier on, I wrote about Unity, Uniformity or Equality. If you read that, maybe you can understand what I'm saying better. 

Now let's take Daniel and Esther's birthday party as example. 

Both of their circumstances are different. Daniel's school allows for birthday parties due to various reasons (which are not important here). 

Esther, on the other hand, just started primary school in March. New routine, new classmates, new season. I know we can always organise birthday party elsewhere - could be at home or at a fast food restaurant. I did consider that. But at the time, I had so much on my plate that I crossed 'birthday party' off my to-do list for May. 

My husband was worried (for good reason) about grievances that my girl would harbour. Because her brother had what she did not have. 

I had a long talk with my daughter about the 'party'. 

At the end of our conversation, I appealed to her a truth I have been trying to instil in my children (even in myself too). We each are fearfully and wonderfully made by the Most High God, and we are marvelous (Didn't David tell us 'Marvelous are His works'?). Each of us are different and each of us have a different journey in life. Each are unique and precious to God. 

Equality has been highly over-rated. 

Why should men and women fight so hard over gender equality? God made men man and women woman. 

Why does a wife feel insecure or upset being called to submit to her husband? God calls a man to love his wife and a wife to submit to her husband. 

Why do ministers or fellow brothers and sisters in Christ compare one to another? God creates each of His workmanship in Christ Jesus for good works, which He prepared beforehand for each to walk in (Eph 2:10). 

It has never been about equality. 

I was talking to a brother in Christ the other day, about how God created family in the pattern of one father and one mother. It takes two people to reflect and manifest God's nature to the children He entrust to parents to steward. Fathers reflect fatherly, authoritative and orderly characteristics of God. Mothers reflect the nurturing and loving side of God. 

It takes both father and mother to fully express God to the children. (Yet even with that, we still fall short of His fullness.)

It would be ridiculous to compare who is greater or better - the father or the mother. 

It is not a comparison or competition. And never will be. 

It would be impossible to compare who gets what out of the scope of work assigned to each role. Or to try to be fair. 

It has never been about equality. 

Beloved in Christ, let us cast aside the need for equality. And celebrate unity and love instead. 

Just as I taught (and pray) for my children - Daniel may not be able to enjoy the perks that Esther gets and Esther may not experience what Daniel has - but that is secondary. 

I don't have two apples. 

I have two beautiful children - each beautiful, each created, called, known and loved by their Abba Father. 

Beloved, I am not an apple. Neither are you.