The B in PBT - My Barnabases

And when Saul had come to Jerusalem, he tried to join the disciples; but they were all afraid of him, and did not believe that he was a disciple. But Barnabas took him and brought him to the apostles. And he declared to them how he had seen the Lord on the road, and that He had spoken to him, and how he had preached boldly at Damascus in the name of Jesus. So he was with them at Jerusalem, coming in and going out. (Acts 9:26-28)

Then Barnabas departed for Tarsus to seek Saul. And when he had found him, he brought him to Antioch. So it was that for a whole year they assembled with the church and taught a great many people. And the disciples were first called Christians in Antioch. (Acts 11:25-26)

I wrote about my P. Today, let's look at the B, my Barnabases. 

Someone once advised me that I need to find my Barnabases. You can read about it here. 

And because I felt that my story would be incomplete if I do not retell it from the beginning, let's go back to where it all began. 

In my church, Kingdomcity, we have what we call connects (which is also known as cell group, life groups, small groups etc. in other churches). Shortly after my husband and I joined our connect, a need arises - to fill up the role of the connect leader. 

I felt God asking me to fill that need. But I was unsure of it, for so many reasons. For one, we've just joined the church for about 3 months. Two, leading a connect that I barely knew the members? Three, can I really meet this need? Four, am I even sure that this is what God wants of me? 

But the struggle ended on 6 Oct 2019. That Sunday, Ps Ken Lee preached a sermon on the 2 voices that speak to us. The 1st voice belonging to God; the 2nd voice - ours. 

What he said in his preaching, What Do You Say to Yourself, lingered in my mind the whole day - what do you say to yourself after hearing what God said? 

And it became clearer and clearer that in spite of all my misgivings and all my reservations of not being a 'fit for the role', there was a need and God wants me to meet it. So, that settled it and after discussing with my husband, I volunteered. 

I bet that, as you're reading this, you must be thinking to yourself, here comes another God story. All is good and well and rosy. 

Unfortunately, quite the contrary, things sort of spiralled downwards. Quite literally everything. 

I don't think it is time to go into the details now (but maybe some day I will) but suffice to say that I felt like I was hard-pressed on every side. Not crushed, yes, but certainly hard-pressed on every side (2 Cor 4:8). 

I was confused. 

If I was doing what God had wanted me to do, why was it so hard? 

Doesn't He provide grace for the work which He calls us to do? 

It came to a point where I found myself asking God, is it time for me to stop and step down? Actually, it was more than just 'a point'. At several points in that season, I paused and asked God the same question. Over and over. 

Each time, the answer had been negative. 

Yet things did not brighten up. And I found myself slowly losing joy. I was not crushed but had slowly become more and more joyless. 😔

At 1 point, I questioned (and mind you, I really mean 'questioned') God - What? Why? When? 

To which the Holy Spirit answered me from Heb 12:2 to look unto Jesus, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross. He asked me to re-examine these questions: What was that joy set before Jesus? What was (and still is to this day) Jesus' joy? And what is my joy? Do I have Jesus' joy, the joy set before Him? Have I lost sight of that joy? 

As I reflected on these dialogues with the Holy Spirit, I realised that the Lord was showing and teaching me the heart of serving. 

Funnily, even as I was trying to learn the heart of serving, things got worse. 

This training, or you can say testing 😅, seemed so tough and long. Somewhere along the journey, I had quite completely lost my joy in serving. And because of that, there was a short period of time where I could not commune with God. 😔 It had affected my walk with God. Instead of appropriating what He wanted me to learn, I had (not proud to admit this) sort of lost the heart of serving. 

On the last day of 2020, the last straw happened. 

And I asked the question again. And this time, the answer came as such - 'Irene, if you had felt that the burden is heavy, then maybe you have not been carrying My burden anymore. My yoke is easy, My burden is light.'

Immediately, I knew it was time to step down. 

I remember reflecting to myself at that time - I had labored and am heavy laden. I need to come (back) to Him, so that He can give me rest. It is time for me to (re)take His yoke and learn from Him, and then I will find rest for my soul. For His yoke is easy and His burden is light. (Matt 11:28-30)

So I did. Stepped down, that is. 

(And this journey of stepping down was altogether, another God story on its own, which shall be for another day.)

OK, thank you for patiently reading thus far. 😁 Now that you know my story from the beginning to the end, you must be wondering, what has all this got anything to do with Barnabases? Alright, alright, I'm getting to it. 

In my hard-pressed season, I asked Ps Matt Fielder a question to which he gave this answer: You need to have Barnabas. Find your Barnabas. 

Now, my question was something along the line of 'how does one know if he/she is really called to serve in this area?'. I gave some background and context to my situation, of course. 

When you think about it, Ps Matt's answer didn't really address my question, right? 😂 

But it was a word of knowledge for me. Given through Ps Matt but definitely from the Holy Spirit. 

At the time, I could vaguely recall all that Barnabas did for apostle Paul (Read Acts 9 and 11 for some example). And although I instinctively knew what Ps Matt meant, I found myself asking, who is my Barnabas? 

What do Barnabas do, anyway? (Or what did the Barnabas in the Bible do, would be a more accurate question.)

Barnabas saw Paul for who he really was (a man touched and changed by God). Acts 9:26

Barnabas 'escorted' and defended Paul to the other disciples. Acts 9:27

Barnabas sought Paul, even when Paul may go into hiding 😂. Acts 11:25

Barnabas brought Paul together to minister to the church. Acts 11:26

Barnabas is someone who sees you and cherishes you. Barnabas encourages and edifies you. Barnabas not only journeys alongside you but grows together with you in your walk with God. 

Do you want a Barnabas in your life? I know I want. 

From that moment on, I kept this word of knowledge dear to my heart. I prayed for and looked for my Barnabas. And when I found Barnabas, I do my best to cherish and treasure them. 

So, did I find this Barnabas? Yes, I did. In fact, I have been blessed with not just one Barnabas, but a few Barnabases (and Silas too, you might say). Oh, God is so good! 

The thing is this - It was only after I stepped down from leading connect that I could recognise them - my Barnabases. Because my Barnabases are all, God-incidentally, from within my connect family! 

In this season now (more than a year after I stepped down from leading connect), I can look back at that season of my life and see God's hands and goodness in everything. 

Through that season, the Lord has grown me so much. 

And it is also through that season that the Lord has brought my Barnabases into my life - my sisters in Christ whom I love so much! 

They have walked alongside me, prayed with and for me, spoke life and brought Christ' light into my situations, lifted me up when I was down. 

They have also celebrated, rejoiced and laughed with me. 

As my sisters would put, we do life together! 😍

And I am thankful that I get to not just do life but also enjoy life together with this bunch of lovelies and beauties. I am thankful that we get to walk, serve, grow and give glory to God together. 

Source: Personal file

And to you who are reading, if you have your Barnabas, take a moment to thank them. To cherish them. To celebrate them. 

If you do not have Barnabas or are unsure if you have one, pray for one. Pray for discernment to recognise him/ her/ them. Chances are that God has already placed Barnabas in your life. 

My prayer with and for you is that you get to do and enjoy life together with your Barnabases. 

And that you will be a Barnabas yourself to someone too.