Irene In Christ

Again, today's post is related to my previous motherhood God stories. (Yup, this year's Mother's Day was full of reflections for me.) I wrote about my need to die to my 'ideal'  here , reflecting on what the Lord showed me about grieving and letting go of my ideal picture when it comes to motherhood.  On that Saturday, as I was grieving, I emptied myself of that ideal.  It wasn't an easy afternoon for me, as I allowed the Holy Spirit to do a deep work in my heart. And I suppose the Lord knows it and in His gracious love for me, He sent a word in season for me through a brother in Christ.  God-incidentally, Pastor Ashok posted this article, 'You Are Mine', on that very same day, retelling his story about the Holy Spirit reassuring him and his wife that "He (Pastor Ashok) is Mine, just rest in Me."  From the words of prophet Isaiah 43:1-4, God's declaration is a declaration of ownership, of love and of responsibility. But now, thus says the L

Now I wrote about the children's Mother's Day performance story  previously.   If you've read it, you would have known that while my daughter performed with the rest of the Sunday school children for Mother's Day, my son was nervous and chose to join us at the seats.  At the time, he was saddened that he didn't go up to perform. To which we have encouraged him to try again for Father's Day, which is today.  I also wrote about dying to my 'ideal'  here.   The Lord gently showed me how I had made an idol out of my ideal and gave me a renewed revelation on denying my 'self'.  Now why do I mention these 2 posts here, you wonder.  It's because today, on Father's Day, I was tempted to give in to my ideal (again).  Few Sundays ago, the children started their practice for Father's Day.  This time, we were more deliberate with our effort in encouraging Daniel to go on-stage.  Even motivating (more like bribing 😂) him with a reward to go on-st

So, here's what happened on Mother's Day.  The children were to have a performance on stage in church. They had practised the songs while in church and were very excited over it, at times singing the songs at home as well.  But knowing Daniel, I was prepared for if he didn't want to go up on stage. He isn't fond of performing in front of a crowd. For the past few years, whenever there was a performance, he would refuse to participate, no matter how prepared he is or how well he could sing.  During his kindergarten year end concert, he had refused to go up the stage. But instead he performed the entire song, complete with dance move, in front of his dad and I off-stage.  So, when  Mother's day came and Daniel wasn't ready to go on stage, I was alright with it. He chose to sit with us in the hall.  All was well.  He enjoyed praise and worship. He enjoyed the service, holding our hands. He enjoyed the children's performance, watching the other children happily.

I wrote about 'dying to self' yesterday, in the sense of letting go of my ideal in the area of motherhood. You can read it  here . Yesterday, as I was reflecting and penning down all that had taken place that Saturday, the Lord brought this memory to my mind. A vision I had during a church conference I attended last year.  I saw this vision repeatedly over the 4 days conference.  The first time I saw the vision, I saw the doors to an underground outdoor cellar opening up. First the left door, then the right door. I was looking at it from afar. Yet somehow, I knew that there are dead, dark things inside it. Now, I don't mean dead creatures, zombies or monsters or the like. I don't have the words to describe them correctly but I shall try. Those dead, dark things are the things in my heart that are not alive. Yes, I instinctively knew that cellar represented my heart.  At the second conference session, again I saw the same vision, yet slightly differently. This time, I sa

Mother's Day this year came and passed.  10th year being a mother and I can't say I've done a great job at it, but neither am I too bad at it. I am, to put it simply, a mother to the 2 children given to me from the Lord. Nothing more, nothing less.  The week before Mother's Day, I was filled with a sense of 'inadequacy' in the area of motherhood. And I couldn't help but to feel a little down on some moments. Especially after I got upset or angry at my children and reacted rather 'unmotherly' towards them.  On those days, I felt 'guilt'. I felt 'lack'. And that thing called 'train of thoughts' inside my mind took a train track down the path called 'worry lane'.  Along the 'worry lane', the train stopped at each train station.  How is Daniel doing compared to other kids his age?  How will Daniel's future look like?  Have I done enough to prepare/ train my Daniel for future?  How will he fare after we, his par