My God Story: Part 6.2 - In-identity Or In Christ?

I wrote about my depression season, which lasted about a year, in my previous post, Night To Day. You can read it here. 

It had been two years since that 'night' season. 

Through a series of revelations, the Holy Spirit unveiled truth upon truth on the root cause of all my depression and negativity. 

I don't have better words to put it but this - I did not know my identity. 

I wrote about my search for the answer to this ageless question of who am I? and my salvation story. If you read these two posts, you will see that I have been constantly struggling with identity issue all my life. Not that I don't know who I am or that I have any psychological condition like split personality. 😅 No, no, no, none of that. 

But I have, for my whole life, struggled with self-doubt. And have unconsciously defined myself by what and how I am in the eyes of others, seeking for acceptance and approval of man. 

When I was a young girl, I was defined by these words (or, rather, I would like myself to be described as such) - hardworking, smart, get good grades, obedient, helpful. In short, a good girl, by the standards of the adults.  

When I was older, I pride myself being defined by more or less the same words - hardworking, smart, diligent, kind, friendly, helpful. In short, a good woman, by the standards of others.

It isn't hard to see that I live to look 'good and right' in the eyes of others.

That life (that kind of life) is difficult and exhausting. If you recall what I wrote about my 'night' season previously, I constantly felt unappreciated and victimized. I saw well-meaning advise as criticism. I blamed others for all the negative emotions/ things in my life. These are all tell-tale signs of insecurity. 

Or I would like to call it - "in-identity", a new term I created. 

In-identity: absence of (true) identity. A situation where one does not know or does not recognize his/ her true identity. And I would like to define true identity as such: Identity in God. 

Our true identity = Identity in God = The identity whom God created, fashioned, purposed and called us to be.

And in a situation of in-identity, one simply define and identifies himself/ herself as the world dictates or as the world is accustomed to. 

'Which family do we belong to? What occupation do we work as? How many As? How many children? Where do we stay?' are just some questions used to facilitate the understanding of who we are. 

'Successful? Smart? Beautiful? Plump? Helpful? Generous? Hardworking?' are examples of adjectives used to describe someone. 

That is how the world defines and identifies a person. 

Praise be to God, in the midst of my in-identity, God met me where I was and showed me who I truly am. You see, my true identity was never absent. I was the one who was not aware of it. 

Source: Internet

1) Christ assured me of His unconditional and all-encompassing love for me. 

And I stopped striving. No more trying to appease or please others. No more trying to please or approach God with my performance and my self-goodness/ self-virtue. 

Because for the first time in my life, I grasped the reality that I am a beloved daughter of God. 

I am already loved by Him, whether in the presence or in the absence of my self-goodness. 

Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! (1 John 3:1)

2) Christ revealed to me who I am in Him.

And I no longer struggle from in-identity. 

My security and confidence is now in Christ Jesus.

I find myself no longer greatly affected by what others say or judge of me, or what others do to me (with the exception of, perhaps, my little ones - they still cause me to raise my voice and swing my rotan at times 😂). 

Please don't mistaken this as pride or arrogance. It is only a deep sense of security in knowing who I am in Christ. I'm simply anchored and rooted in what God says of me.  

3) Christ revealed to me how (or what) I am in Him.

How am I in Him? I am perfect! 

Again, please don't misunderstand or mis-take this as pride or arrogance. It's just that I truly am perfect in His eyes. Haha! 

That is, of course, subject to two conditions:

1. That I'm not doing anything harmful to my physical body like eating unhealthily, drinking, smoking, neglecting my well-being. 
2. That I'm not doing anything harmful to my soul like listening to and entertaining deceit, dwelling in sin/ unforgiveness/ bitterness. 

But truly, I am perfect! I am beautiful, I am in perfect health, I am righteous, I am blessed. And the perfect list continues on. 

From the moment that God's hands made me and fashioned me (Psalm 119:73) (or I should say, even before I was formed in my mother's womb as Psalm 139:16 tells us), I am already fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). 

His eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed, the days fashioned for me were all written in His book when as yet there were none of them (Psalm 139:16). 

He foreknew me (as Psalm 139:16 shows me), He predestined me to be conformed to the image of His Son. He called me. He justified me. He glorified me (Romans 8:29-30).

So, beloved in Christ, I have a question for you today. 

Who are you? What is your identity? Is it in-identity or is it in Christ? 

My prayer is that you already know that God, our Abba Father, loves us unconditionally and greatly. And that you already know who you are in Him and how you are in Him. 

If you haven't already know, I hope that, by sharing my God story, it will intrigue you to seek out your identity in the Word of God and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the truth to you.